Do any of the following sound familiar?

  • “He takes too long to call/text me back.”
  • “We talked all night, but mostly it was about his ex-girlfriend.”
  • “He sent me a few DMs and then nothing.”
  • “He hits me up after I have gone to bed.”
  • “I haven’t seen him since the night we met.”
  • “He seems sweet but he told me he has a crazy baby mama.”
  • “He’s busy with work/school/coaching.”

If so, just stop now. Nope, don’t start making excuses for why he does what he does or says what he says. If you just met someone and are beginning the “talking” phase (you know, that point where you’re starting to get to know them to see if they’re even worth a next step) and one of the quotes above ring true, do not pass go. End this now, girl, before you end up as someone’s bae.

If you need more convincing, let’s break these down.

If he takes too long to call you or text you back, something or someone else is occupying his time.

Phone calls do require more effort than texts, but unless he gave you a heads-up about some engaging event that he’s apart of, there really isn’t a reason for you to be waiting hours to hear back from someone that you’re getting to know. Then once you feel slighted, you start playing the game back and want to take forever to respond to him and it becomes a mess. You basically want, deserve to date someone who can dedicate time to you. At least consistently.

Why is he constantly talking to you about someone else?

Dude sounds like he’s placing you in the friend zone without obviously stating it. Plus, he has some old hangups he’s not over so in the words of Sweet Brown, “ain’t nobody got time fo dat.”

Inconsistent messaging sounds like you could potentially be option #2, 3, or any other number down the line. 

If you are always the one starting the conversation up again, you’re showing your interest. If he felt the same, it would be reciprocated.

If he tries to contact you late at night or after you’ve gone to bed, this could mean two things.

You could essentially be a booty call AND/OR he purposely contacts you when you aren’t available to appear like he tried, but puts the blame in your court. Womp.

You haven’t seen him because he doesn’t want to be seen.

At least not yet. Again, you might not be the first option so he’s seeing how things pan out. OR he’s super busy and doesn’t have time for you. OR he’s waiting for you to make the first move. Either way, keep it moving.

“Crazy baby mama” = unnecessary baggage.

One, he has kids which means that he can’t devote himself to you 100%. Not a biggie if you can handle that. But, he referred to the mother of his child(ren) as crazy which might mean that she is a bit temperamental or that he causes her to be frustrated often, which means she responds negatively towards him (basically, she’s not crazy but he drives her to extremes –possibly). Either way, he comes with a package deal that you might not be here for.

Busy guys don’t always know how to prioritize their time.

It’s good to be busy. Nothing wrong with that at all. But if he has a lot going on, he might not have time to seriously date. He could just be into casual get togethers and “sleepovers.” Proceed with caution if you must.

Get it now? Granted, there are exceptions to the rule but let’s be real. There aren’t too many exceptions floating around. He’s not the one. With good discernment and a good attitude, hopefully the right guy will come along. Until then, you’ve been warned.

Credits: Kenny Louie

Published by Ashleigh

Ashleigh is a recent M.S. graduate from Northeastern University. She works as an interactive designer in Atlanta and loves dogs, Netflix, and great food. Oh, also the creator and designer of this here shindig you are reading right now. View my impersonal personal blog @

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