Your phone buzzes. You check your Facebook messages to see that you’ve been hit up by someone you went to college with. He’s saying hi and he hopes all is well. That seems nice and innocent so you mutually respond then go back to whatever you were doing. Later on, he sees how your day went. After a few Facebook exchanges, you two decide to swap numbers and keep the convo going via text. Everything is going well, until you find out that he’s living with the mother of his child.

Four months later, you get a notification that someone your friend from high school knows liked several of your Instagram photos. You two begin to follow each other and he makes it a habit to double tap and comment on all of your pics. Being the nice person you are (and the fact that he’s low-key fine), you do the same. Then one day, you decide to click-through to the Instagram account of a girl that also frequently comments on his page. That’s when you notice pictures of the two of them from 5 weeks ago and several subliminal Tweetgrams. Is she talking about me, you wonder. She is, girl. She is.

Why does this keep happening to you? Why do all of these relationally occupied men keep finding their way to your social media accounts?

Well, sis. It’s because it’s you.

Your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and/or Snapchat accounts are attracting the wrong guy.

Yes, the issue lies within your accounts. It’s what you push out into the world for people to consume and take in about you. Your “woe is me” statuses and tweets and late night snaps are crumbs for these social media roaches to eat up. Seriously. Think about it. Within the past month, have you posted any of the following:

  • Anything to elude to your relationship status or lack thereof
  • Something about all the recent hardships you’ve been through and how it only makes you stronger
  • A form fitting outfit and/or a glimpse of cleavage
  • Any deep reflection between the hours of 11 pm and 4 am
  • Something about how your future is going to be better than your past

If you can answer yes at least two of these, there is no wonder why these scum types keep making their way into your inbox. You’re too vulnerable and open with your social media friends. Point blank, you’re telling us too much.

Naturally, the fix is to keep these thoughts off Facebook, etc. If you’re having an “in my feelings” moment, send it to your friends via Groupme. If you feel enlightened, write it down in a physical journal. Feel free to document these emotions, just keep it off your social networks.

So next time a random blast from the past pops out the blue, you can take that for what it is—a baseless attempt to see what’s good. But at least this time, you’ll know why.

Published by Ashleigh

Ashleigh is a recent M.S. graduate from Northeastern University. She works as an interactive designer in Atlanta and loves dogs, Netflix, and great food. Oh, also the creator and designer of this here shindig you are reading right now. View my impersonal personal blog @

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