After getting out of a good relationship, it was not that hard for me to recognize surface fools. I call them surface fools because their intentions were very obvious and even in the most vulnerable of states, I was not that desperate or weak to cave into temporary attention.

Then, I met #him.

He was charming, easy on the eyes, and great to be around. He captured the attention of everyone in the room. He was that guy and I felt extremely lucky to be the one he was talking to. I mean, I was the girl talking to that guy. Until I found myself still talking to him a year later. He didn’t want to be confined by the labels of a relationship and so it took almost 18 months for me to woosah and be set free.

I know a girl who met this guy through mutual friends. After bumping into each other at said friends’ gatherings, he finally asked her out on a date. She accepted and thus began a short courtship. For reasons only the Maker knows of, the two stopped talking after less than two months.

So, how long is the talking stage?

It is as long as you make it.

Talking is just a period of time where you and your potential significant other see if you two are really interested in each other enough to exclusively date. Think of it like pre-algebra and being his girlfriend is algebra I. Get it?

Talking is not permanent, nor does it prohibit one from seeing other people. My personal belief is that talking should not continue beyond three months—if the two of you have been regularly seeing each other (read: going out on dates) and conversing, then both of you should know whether or not this is worth pursuing on a more intimate level.

Where many of us (myself included) go wrong is when we allow ourselves to act exclusively with someone we are just casually dating or talking to. The second we allow him into more intimate areas of our lives (hey, that doesn’t just mean sex), we open the door for complacency and stagnation. Like the expression states, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

If you have been talking to someone for a long time and want to see where it is going, just ask him. Chances are, he is just fine how things are. He probably won’t escalate the relationship because there hasn’t been a reason for him to do so. He might be quite comfortable in your lap of luxury.

But if you just started seeing someone, notice his words and mannerisms as you two date. Don’t be afraid to ask him what his intentions are. Most relationship-minded men (I’ve noticed) are quite upfront and bold about wanting a defined relationship. They usually don’t say things like “we’ll see how it goes.” Pay attention to what and how he answers that question. It could reveal a world of stuff you might want to avoid.

So if he answers that question the wrong way, be strong enough to break it off with him. It is okay; there really is someone else out there.

Good luck!

Published by Ashleigh

Ashleigh is a recent M.S. graduate from Northeastern University. She works as an interactive designer in Atlanta and loves dogs, Netflix, and great food. Oh, also the creator and designer of this here shindig you are reading right now. View my impersonal personal blog @

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  1. After my first date with my boyfriend, he asked me to be his girlfriend. But I definitely don’t think we’re the template. I would definitely agree that after 3-4 months, conversations need to be had. Great read!

    1. Completely agree. My boyfriend and I dated for about two weeks. But it shouldn’t take a lifetime! Thanks!

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