Let’s face it; in today’s dating world, it means a lot to some women to become what is called “Facebook official” with their beaus. It’s almost like the engagement ring of a budding relationship—you go to Facebook and update your profile to read “in a relationship” and then you smile absentmindedly as you then type in #Bae’s government name in the “with who?” box. A few minutes later, you get a notification that #Bae has accepted your relationship request, and now the whole Facebook world (and those of your linked accounts) know that you’re officially dating Bae Richardson, who attended West Bumbletree University in Houstatlantavegas. Where ever that is. Let the posting of the #datenight pictures begin!
While for a long time when I was in college, I felt it to be a big deal for the guy I was dating to make us Facebook official (he never did, the scoundrel), and even now I have fleeting moments where I wanna ask #Bae to put my name on his Facebook profile, by living vicariously through other people, I’ve actually come to realize that I’d rather not have my name plastered over his Facebook page nor have a plethora of Instagram and Facebook pictures of #datenight and #chillingwithbae or #cookingforbae or what have you. And I’ll tell you my two reasons why:
You’re inviting people to be in your business.
That’s the top reason right there! I kid you not.
“Oh, that’s you breh?”
“Oh girl, he’s cuuuute!”
“Damn, how long y’all been together, homie?”
“YOU GOT A MAN AND YOU AIN’T TELL ME? Text me girl!”
Most people on your Facebook friends list aren’t asking because they care; they’re just asking because they’re nosy or bored. Probably both…
And I’d rather not open up my intimate relationship to people who really don’t care about my wellbeing one way or the other.
The obvious: when you break up, EVERYONE knows.
Suddenly your posts go from, “so in love with my man!” insert heart eyes emoji to “I don’t need no one but me and God. Mama always told me everyone wasn’t going to stick around.”
And everyone on Facebook notices a staggering decline in couple-related pictures and posts. You’re obligated to change your relationship status back to “single,” of which your whole Facebook feed is notified because everyone sees that broken-heart emoji pop up in his or her timeline. Now, once again, you have to deal with the nosy-slash-bored (“nored?” “borsy?”) comments under that sad broken heart:
“Damn girl, what happened?”
“Oh nooooes. L Text me!”
“Damn boo, that’s messed up he did you like that. Hit me up. (555) 367-8594.”
someone “likes” the status
ALL of these comments reopen the wound every time you get that little notification that yet another person has commented on your “I’m single” status. How can you possibly adequately start the process of getting over a relationship when every time you log in to check the latest topics, someone reminds you that once again, you’re sleeping alone in bed clutching pillows with only Mr. Duracell to keep you company?
Nah, girl, I ain’t going out like that.
I mean, if Facebook official is your cup of tea, drink it up. But as for me and my house…
…we gon’ creep. Yeah. And keep it on the downlow.