I’m funny about birthdays. I want you to know it’s my birthday without actually telling you. Which is why I took my birthday off Facebook four years ago and why I was almost upset that one year, none of my coworkers made a big to-do and took me out for lunch. I “accidentally” let it slip about a week beforehand to my boss so that there was enough time to figure out where to eat. I mean, my boss and I shared the same birthday week so I assumed that we could just kill two birds with one stone and celebrate both of our birthdays together. Well, it wasn’t until after my birthday and around the time hers rolled around when I noticed that there wasn’t any chatter about birthday lunches. This was weird to me because just the month before, we had one for another department member. So I assumed (again) that we must not be doing birthday lunches anymore. Probably needed to tighten the budget and focus on work or something. Leave it to the company-wide monthly birthday celebrations. Ok, I get that. But one day, I noticed one of my fellow coworkers (who normally eats at her desk), grab her purse and headed for the lobby.
Well, maybe she’s going to meet her fiancé for lunch, I thought.
Then another coworker grabbed her purse and went to the lobby about 3 minutes later. She gets lunch all the time, so no big deal.
Then my boss walked pass my cubicle with purse in tow shortly after.
Now, wait a minute, I thought to myself. They aren’t trying to sneak and have a birthday lunch without me, are they?
I noted it but continued to work through lunch. So when the three of them walked back to their cubicles together about an hour and a half later, I definitely noticed.
Hmm. They really had a birthday lunch without me. Wow. Wow.
As the thought lingered in my mind, I realized that I was about to get upset over nothing. Who promised me a birthday lunch when I signed my contract to work there? Did HR? Did the CEO? Nope, not a one. So why was I mad? It was in that moment that I realized no one owed me a thing.
As emotional creatures, we let our feelings shape our thoughts and nuances. But just because you might work amongst other women, does not mean that they will empathize with you over the same plights. Working with Blacks doesn’t mean that they’ll automatically care when you get slighted. The hardest corporate pill to swallow is that it’s just you and no one else. Work friendships are just that —left at the water cooler by 5 o’clock and picked back up at 8. It’s easier that way. At least that’s what I tell myself.
Had a similar moment at work? How did you deal? Share below.
Credits: Neeta Lind