I’m going to assume that we all know that one person, or maybe several, that don’t know how to stay in line at work. Okay, maybe no one in particular is outwardly ratchet but there might be a few that occasionally do something every now and again that just ain’t right. To continue with the #NewYearNewMe mantra, I’ve detailed a few examples of workplace foolishness that need cease and desist. Forward along as you desire.
1. Overusing capital letters, bold, italics, and exclamation marks.
OKAY! WHEN YOU SEND OUT MESSAGES LIKE THIS, YOU’RE SCREAMING. And stop trying to be dramatic at work. Do you see how weird all of this looks?!?!?!?? Yea, stop that. Capital letters are for the beginning of sentences, proper nouns, and acronyms. Bold and italics are for emphasis and you probably don’t need to use both at the same time. Bold words are important to note. Italicized words are like whispers or side notes. Exclamation marks show excitement or urgency. Just… use these in moderation and when appropriate, cuz.
2. Coming in late and taking long lunches.
Just like an intern, we are not exempt from being fired. Unless there was a clause in your contract or something. Anyway, if you come in late, stay late (unless your job allows you to take sick/personal time in hourly increments) and don’t take a super long lunch if you do. Actually, never take a super long lunch unless it’s strictly business related and your superiors are well aware of this matter. Generally, a long lunch is anything longer than an hour so…
3. Using your work email as your personal account.
Why did you send out your mama’s 65th birthday brunch Evite through your work email? There are not enough emojis to display how wrong this is. You can use your lunch time (assuming) to create a free email account via Gmail, Hotmail, or Yahoo. You could even create an AOL account if the Spirit moves you to do so. If there is a company audit, this might reveal that you’re stealing company property and misusing your time.
4. Calling in sick on Mondays and Fridays.
Or after Super Bowl Sunday or St. Patrick’s weekend. These days are more at risk of you jeopardizing your job than if you were to call in on a Tuesday. Yes, people do get sick around the weekends and I’m sure your boss recognizes that. But it always looks suspicious so try to limit those instances if possible.
5. Talking loudly.
Now, you’re already the Black one here. It doesn’t matter how many “Black ones” there really are; you know one person represents us all. Please keep your voice down. Someone might be trying to take a call or conduct a meeting nearby. Dang.
6. Wearing short skirts and dresses, really tight clothes, and 4″+ heels.
Body-con dresses with blazers are never appropriate at work. Your thighs shouldn’t be on the verge of busting out your pants as well. The old school rule where your skirts and dresses shouldn’t stop too far above the knee should basically hold true in most industries. Just remember, you aren’t Carrie Bradshaw and this isn’t Sex and the City. Dress for the job you have.
7. Promoting your side hustle openly.
If you are a part of any multi-level marketing company or have some other side hustle, don’t solicit so transparently. Some people might find this to be annoying and report you and chances are, you’re not handing out Skin So Soft for giggles. Also, when communicating with coworkers about said ventures, see number #3 again.
8. Reacting too quickly.
There is nothing wrong with defending your position, but remember that we are always going to be labeled “angry black women.” Think about the scenario before responding. Seriously, our positions could be at stake.
9. Not speaking up.
But also, don’t be a push over. We have to play within these societal boundaries or whatever rolls eyes, but that doesn’t give anyone the opportunity to try to bastardize our intelligence. Try to find that balance.
10. Using the work supplies all willy nilly.
This is not the time to print out flyers for your niece’s birthday party nor is this the time to grab school supplies from the office storage. This is another example of corporate theft. You could get fired for this, you know.
11. Assuming all the Black coworkers are going to be your BFFs.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: no one owes you anything. Girl, nobody is trying to relate to your struggle when it is yours and yours alone. This is a dog eat dog world and everyone is just trying to secure their own.
12. Putting scriptures in your email signature.
I love the Lord. I do. But He didn’t place it in my heart to put Phil 4:13 in my work signature. Email signatures often reflect our corporate branding and religious beliefs are normally not displayed in that manner. I mean, I even doubt that the corporate employees at Chick-Fil-A are allowed to do so.
13. Telling everyone your business.
These are not your friends. It would really suck for someone to take your naivety for granted and report your confessions as a moment of weakness that can also jeopardize your abilities to work. Keep your woes to yourself. Share certain happy moments too. Not only are these folks your coworkers, but some can plot on your personal and professional successes too.
14. Drinking too much at company functions.
I, too, was surprised to see how often alcohol came into play at work. But, that is in no means an excuse to turn up. I don’t care if there is an open bar. These are your coworkers. Your superiors. The people that make sure your paycheck goes into your account on the first and the fifteenth. Your “good time” can and possibly will turn into break room banter. All of your good work and efficiency can be easily disregarded due to your drunken imitation of your boss or ability to take 3 shots within 2 minutes.
Sistren, there are more than 9 full months left to this year. As Black women, we already have little room for failure so this list was honestly written in love. Lets try to do better in the roles we have been blessed with and make the most out of each opportunity placed at our feet.
Do you have anything else to add to this list?
