A convo I’ve had more times than I can count:
Guy: So, what kind of guys do you like?
Me: You mean, like, personality wise? Or physically?
Guy: Well, both, but tell me what you like physically first.
Me: Hm. Well, I tend to be attracted to darker skinned men. Sturdy build. And he has to be at least 6’1.
Guy: …why does he have to be 6’1?
Me: Because I’m 6’1. And I’m really not up to dating shorter men.
Guy: …wow. That’s pretty shallow, don’t you think? I mean, what if you meet the man of your dreams and he’s only 5’10?
Me: Well if he’s only 5’10, then he’s not the man of my dreams.
Guy: awkward pause I gotta go…lemme call you back later.
Of course, that call back never comes.
Every time, I’m left to wonder, why is it shallow for a woman to have physical preferences in a man, yet it’s perfectly acceptable for a man to pick and choose what he wants his woman to look like, sometimes at the expense of women who look the opposite?
We see it all the time in the light skin/dark skin debates on Twitter. The big girl/ skinny girl posts on Facebook.
“My girl gotta have a perm ’cause I ain’t with that ‘nappturality’ stuff.”
“The baddest girls are no taller than 5’5 and got a phat ass.”
“DAAAYUM shawty wear a size 10 in shoes? Nah son, that’s a man!”
It’s publicized to the point of women partaking in unhealthy practices just to get the bodies and looks of the women we see men drooling over and idolizing–because the only way to get a man is if you got a ‘donk,’ light skin, and green eyes. Women are flocking to the beauty supply stores for 32″ of Milky Way in color #4, Koji-San skin bleaching soap, and hazel contacts (which really only serve to make them look like Optimus Prime, but I digress).
Meanwhile, what are the men doing to enhance their appearances? I can honestly say I see more women in the gym every day than I see men.
Men aren’t even so much as cleaning their fingernails before they approach us.
But yet, we’re expected to accept all of their aesthetic demands while compromising ours or ingesting the belief that we’re shallow creatures for desiring a man to look a certain way. Next thing we know, we have heat damaged hair and lumpy booties from bad butt shots and we’re engaged to Papa Smurf and his unbrushed beedeebees.
I say all this to say, men, if you’re going to go into a huff over us not being light enough or dark enough or having “good” enough hair or big enough boobs, the least you all could do is wear a durag to bed.
Honestly, as a man I’ve seen the double standard go the other way too It’s commonly men who get flack for their “objectifying” or “oppressive” beauty standards by not lusting after overweight women, for example. But you’re right, we men aren’t always on the moral higher ground when it comes to this problem. My conclusion is that the “shallow” card is something both men and women may throw at anyone not sexually attracted to them.