“You can enjoy anything if you make up your mind to.” -Joyce Meyer
Nothing bothers me more than having to listen to people talk about being single as if it is some sort of leprosy. Well, arguing with McDonald’s employees about condiments bothers me more. But this unchose thing is a close second. An EXTREMELY close second. Hell, even the term “unchose” is some grade A bullshit. How ridiculous it is to assume that someone’s singleness is the result of them being unwanted? TUH!! I WISH that were the case sometimes. I imagine then I’d have some peace. In less than one month, I should be officially divorced for a SECOND time and as I sit here typing this, there’s a “Bae” and a “Boo” putting moves on my heart. I mean, GEESH. Unchose couldn’t be further from the truth. But y’all got it. We’re unchose.
I won’t sit here and act like there aren’t a shit ton of folk out there who desperately desire marriage. In fact, I submit that there are likely more of them than there are those of us who are happily single. Yeah, I know I’m not officially single yet. But the Bible says to speak those things that are not as though they are. That’s what I am doing in this here moment: Speaking it into existence. So please let me live. 🙂 Now as I was saying, I’m aware that there are people who want nothing more than to be married and I can not for the life of me understand why. I mean, I look back and Thing #1 and Thing #2 and wonder just what in the hell I was thinking. But I know the answer: I wasn’t. I was in love. I suppose that when you’re in love, it just makes sense. Marriage is the highest of the high………right? It’s the end game. And to be honest, that’s exactly why I hated it so much each time.
Thing #1 and Thing #2 were much better partners when we were dating. They were chilvarous, compassionate, kind, romantic, and sexy as hell when they were trying to woo me. Somewhere after the “I do ” though things changed. Suddenly there were all these expectations. The more comfortable they got, the more expectations they had. Their expectations resulted in me becoming more and more uncomfortable. Those silly expectations. Expectations that may not have seemed so bad if they had stayed the way that they were before we got married. Make no mistake, they would likely have still annoyed the shit out of me. But the love would at least have still been good. It was as if getting married was the end of the line. You know how they say “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Well in my case it seemed that the attitude was “I’ll do whatever I want with this cow because I paid for it.” Absolutely not. That was not what I signed up for.
What I learned from both experiences was this: getting married means nothing if you’re not prepared to be married. Getting married is the easy part. All you have to do is say “yes.” But trust me, marriage is SO much more than saying “I do.” That’s the EASY part. Saying “I will” when you’d rather not though? That’s when it gets real. That’s when your commitment is put to the test. And I’ve got to tell you, I’m not so sure that many of the people who desire to get married are even prepared or willing to do the work that it takes to BE married. I mean…….just look at some of the conversations. Everybody is so sure of what they will and won’t accept as well as what they will and won’t do. It’s cute really. I’m amused.
Perhaps I’ll devote my time here to reflecting on the trials and triumphs of love and subsequently marriage. What would’ve worked and why I couldn’t be bothered. I mean, what’s for me is for me and marriage just isn’t it. But love…I most certainly have time for that!
