5 Ways of Being Content with Singledom

You are amazing! You have a budding career, an active social life, and a beautiful sleep schedule. Between work, church, and friends – there’s not enough time in the day! But there’s just one problem. You feel alone because you don’t have a special someone to call your own. Listen, if I’m being real – I have these feelings occasionally. I love my busy life and I adore my alone time. However, sometimes in the midst of that one spare moment, being single gets to me. So! I am here to offer you some great ways to not only be content with being single, but to ENJOY your singlehood.

1. Connect with other singles.

You are not alone! There are literally MILLIONS of single people just like you, so get together with them! There are ton of activities that cater to parties of 1, and you need to be all up in them. Consider joining the Singles Ministry at your church, or collecting all of your single friends and their single friends for a SINGLES DAY OUT! Or, do what I do. Contribute to a community or network dedicated to single people. Focus on uplifting single folks in all walks of life.

2. EMBRACE being single.

Being single is not a death sentence. IT IS YOUR FREEDOM PAPER! You know that bed you don’t have to share, or those covers you can hog? Don’t you feel good when you walk into your place and everything is exactly where you left it? Isn’t it refreshing to come home to peace and quiet? Enjoy the perks of singledom! You don’t have to clean up after anyone, or start a passive aggressive argument because your significant other left dirty dishes in the sink – AGAIN! In fact, I challenge you to do things by yourself, on purpose.

“What?”

Yeah, I said it.

Go see a movie. Snag a reservation for 1 at that impossible-to-get-into restaurant around the corner. Sit on a bench in the park and read a book. Hell, take a nap on that bench. You can do whatever you want. Why? Because you say so.

3. Unplug from work.

Being single is not an excuse to lose yourself in your day job. Making your career a priority above all else (even your sanity), can be detrimental. Avoiding your singlehood IS NOT accepting it. You’re supposed to be off work at 5? Shut your computer off at 4:50. No, you can’t stay late to do that one project. So what if that coworker you don’t like is always trying to upstage you. Get out into the world and leave work at work.

4. Sit still.

Live in your space and notice things. Pay attention to how you feel. Are you uneasy? Ask yourself why, and dig deep. You do not need a partner to define your awesomeness. Take some time to really be okay with who you are, and the anxiety at the possibility of becoming a part of #ForeverAlone will go away. Maybe. Possibly. I’m still working on it, so I’ll let you know.

5. Talk to God.

Whatever your religious affiliation, or if you have one at all, communicate with your deity. Talk to God, Allah, Buddha, etc., hell – yourself. Let God talk to you. If you have faith, lean on that. Know that whatever is meant for you will be for you. Consider Matthew 6:25-34.

 

Single is sexy. Single is serenity. Live in today, focus on the now. Work toward how you can make yourself happy every day.

“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

AKA TURN UP!

Single Ladies Summer Series: Just Crab Cakes

It’s summer. You’re single. It’s hot, and you’re hungry. Chipotle is always an amazing choice for such a time as this. Then you look at that kitchen that you just had to have (that also drove your rent up an extra $100), and you feel the guilt set in. I mean, who has time to cook, anyway? You’re busy saving the world with your full time career, not to mention that start up you’re trying to get off the ground. You’re an independent woman who don’t need no man. Even the superhero needs to eat. If your budget is set up the way mine is, that deliciously expensive burrito bowl with extra sour cream isn’t going to cut it.

“What can I cook that’s simple, sexy, and summer friendly?” Introducing the Single Ladies Summer Series, an offering for the #unchose lady.

The key to a good crab cake is simplicity. You want the star to be the crab. The supporting elements should enhance, not overtake the star. I’ve done several different variations on this classic summer dish, but I’d like to call these Just Crab Cakes.

  • 1 pound jumbo lump crab meat
  • 1 large egg
  • 2 tablespoons of Worcestershire sauce
  • 1/2 cup or less bread crumbs
  • 1/3 cup dijon mustard
  • Old Bay seasoning to taste
  • 1/4 cup olive oil
  1. In a large bowl, gently pick apart your crab meat, careful not to break it up too much. Check to make sure there aren’t any leftover shells.
  2. In a separate bowl, mix together the egg, Worcestershire sauce, and dijon mustard. Pour into bowl with crab meat. Season liberally with Old Bay.
  3. Start by adding 1/4-cup of the bread crumbs, lightly tossing all the ingredients together. If your mix is too wet, add the rest. Cover at refrigerate for 20 minutes.
  4. Form your crab cake. TIP: for consistency and purely aesthetic purposes, take a 1/2-cup scoop and lightly pack your crab mix in. Turn over in your hand and press down gently. The crab cake should just barely come together.
  5. In a large HOT pan, pour in your olive oil and let it heat up. Gently place the crab cakes in and cook on medium high heat for 2-3 minutes each side, or until a golden brown crust forms.
  6. Remove from heat and serve.

The overall time spent in the kitchen is less than an hour, and you have a delicious meal that you can be proud of. I love these with a fire roasted red pepper coulis or an avocado mousse. The crab cakes can be served with a salad, to keep it light and simple. Any route you go, you’ll be happy you finally used that fancy cookware you spent a small fortune on!

Book Clubs, Because that’s a thing?

Last week, I met with my Twitter Book Club (via Groupme, thank you technology!) for my first book club meeting. We read Silver Sparrow by Tayari Jones. (Great book, and the author answers Twitter mobs/questions.) Thought I loved the book, what I really loved was the instant camaraderie and positive chemistry with the participants in the GroupMe. I only knew one person from the group, but as black women we bonded over the book and the issues that it presented. Also, we’re just funny as heck.

So why am I writing this? Because I know many people have secret yearnings to belong to a book club. I’m here to tell you, you can do it! And give you a few things to consider before you start.

Book Selection

You have to decide how books will be selected on a regular basis. Do you send out a survey? Does a designated person get to pick each time? Are there any “no no” genres in books? How long will these books be?

Meetings

Also, how should you meet? If you know some people in the same town, a nice brunch is always a good option (plus, mimosas). If you are spread out, maybe an online gathering hole like GroupMe or Google Hangouts will work. You can also tweet chat using TweetChat is a great way to follow the conversation using a particular hashtag.

Most importantly, have fun! Book clubs are a great way to inject some reading in our lives long after the book report years have ended. And also, it just makes me feel like a real live grown up.

Have you ever been in or started an on- or offline book club? Share some tips in the comments.