How to Avoid the Relationship Weight Gain

In 2011, I decided that enough was enough. I needed to lose weight. I started going to a trainer 2x a week on top of keeping track of my caloric intake. I made sure that I made it to the gym after work every other day. My hard work paid off as I lost about 10 pounds that summer. Go head, right?

Well, until I started dating this guy. We were constantly going out to eat and I traded in my time at the gym for more time with him. Well, less than two months later, I had gained all the weight I lost back. Since then, I have stayed within a 15 pound range that continues to fluctuate. And though I’m no workout guru, I’ve found the following tips helped me keep my weight in a controllable range:

Walks in the park

Not only is this a great cheap date idea, walking for thirty minutes every day is good for you. And if you can’t make it to walk in the park, use your lunch break to walk around the perimeter of your building (with caution, though).

Make your boo your accountability partner

Let him know that you’re serious about your fitness goals. You’ll need someone to help you stay on track and can keep you in positive spirits, not one who will sabotage your journey. Though he may be fine with how you look, he needs to know that it’s serious because you believe it is. It’ll be harder for you to fall off the wagon if someone is encouraging you along the way.

Keep a gym outfit and sneakers with you

If you’ve committed to a regular work out pattern, don’t let anything distract you from that. So this means if you spent the night over #his place, go to the apartment gym or exercise in his neighborhood. The same goes if you’re on vacation—opt for walking back to the room instead of taking the hotel shuttle. Or go to the gym on the way to or from work. That way, it’s out of your way and you don’t have to worry about getting comfortable after a long day at work. It’s really the little things that go a long way.

Losing weight is no joke. It’s especially hard when you don’t have a great support system and feel like there isn’t enough time in the day. However, use your boo to your advantage. They should be able to reach your goal and maintain it. Congrats for taking the first step and good luck!

Social Media Dating Standards That’ll Keep You Single

Anyone with a Twitter account and a light workload can tell you that anything goes on the Internet. No topic is too taboo to be discussed. And the same goes for Facebook. Many a cousin or auntie have gone on about their lives and opinions on a status. Such posts make social media almost like sitting in a food court—you’ll see a little bit of any and everything. This includes ridiculous dating standards. Women and men will often go on and on and on about what they will and won’t accept from a future partner. To be quite honest, a lot of these social media dating standards are just silly and superficial such as

…Judging restaurant selections.

You don’t really have to go to a 5-star restaurant every time y’all go out. To be honest, you don’t need to shade the restaurants that bring you complimentary bread. The point of a dinner date is to enjoy food, company, and conversation. Don’t get caught up in the fact that he took you to Olive Garden instead of Maggiano’s. He’s paying for the meal, right? And you can spend $200 in Applebees TBH. Think of it this way—he could be a little bit short on money but wanted to take you out OR he’s saving up for something better later. First date impressions are one thing, but don’t let that be the main reason you turned him away.

…Refusing to go dutch.

#Bae might be a few days away from his next paycheck but he wanted to get something to eat and spend some time with you. So when he asked if y’all could go halfsies this one time, don’t flinch. If this is a regular occurrence, you should either one, be used to it or two, end the relationship if this is a big issue. Sometimes, going dutch is a nice gesture to show him that “hey boo, I’ll put in on it too.”

…Not using coupons on a date.

Don’t sleep on a good Groupon. A man that uses coupons might be cheap or maybe he found a deal that he wants to share with you. Have you seen the helicopter ride for 2 deal? Yea, it may be 40% off but girl, just think about the overall experience. That’s #romantic.

…Refusing to date someone with an active Twitter account.

Girl, every guy isn’t a #son. There are bad representations of every type of person everywhere—work, church, the club, the side of the street, etc. Just because he spends time on social media accounts doesn’t always mean that he’s going to be flirting with a variety of women on each one. Plus, don’t let your past dictate your present or something #fakedeep like that.

…Not dating a man without a degree.

Allegedly, less than 20% of African-American males hold a Bachelor degree. Bruh. Do you know how many “good jobs” “pay well” and don’t require a degree? The information technology field is one. According to Glassdoor, the average IT job pays $70,000 annually. And what about the men that decided to serve our country? They can be just as charming as the guy with the MBA.

…Refusing to date someone that makes less than you.

So you’re not going to date a teacher? Or what if he’s fresh out of college? How many entry-level jobs do you know of that make over $55k? You see where I’m going with this. His salary isn’t as important as him being able to manage the money he receives once or twice a month. He might do more with his $40k than you do with your $65k.

…Not dating a man without a car.

If you live in a metropolitan area that has commercial and residential properties within close proximity of each other, then I can understand why one might ditch their ride in exchange for a bike or just their feet. Some areas might have better transportation systems, so driving isn’t that necessary. And again, he might be saving money for whatever reason. If you live close to him, maybe there isn’t anything wrong with a bit of exercise incorporated in the date. Or maybe he’ll fetch a cab to pick you up. Maybe.

In short, don’t be so judgmental. Look at the entire picture before making your decision to push ole boy to the curb. If you can do this, maybe you’ll find that you really enjoy endless appetizers for $10 at TGIFriday and a great person to be around. Good luck!

9 to 5 Just To Stay Alive

In Haunted/Ghost, one of my favorite songs on Beyonce’s new album, she talks about how people work boring, regular jobs just to stay alive. “How come?” she wonders. When I first heard the song I said Beyonce good question! Why do we put ourselves in the hellhole that is Corporate America, subjecting ourselves to at least eight hours a day without sunlight or fresh air, behind a computer, developing a serious case of carpal tunnel, and ruining our vision?!

But then there was a huge layoff at my job. Two hundred people — gone. And suddenly the idea of “9 to 5 just to stay alive” sounded a little disrespectful. “Just” to stay alive? Like staying alive isn’t that important? Like staying alive isn’t something that is relatively high on the priority list? On a Friday in April, 200 people across the various locations of my employer came to work, tried to swipe their badges, and couldn’t get in. Then a couple of HR folks came down to let them they would never be able to get in. Staying alive at that point was a little more than a “just” for them. I realized that if I had been in that unfortunate number I would not have had enough savings to get by. I would have been calling mommy asking for a loan.

It’s very easy to get caught up in the mindset of trying to make your job your passion. We’re often told, “if you’re doing what you love, you never work in a day in your life.” That leads us to believe that if we’re not doing what we love, and if work is a drag, then we must be doing something wrong. I say, forget that mindset. I say there’s no problem with making work the thing you do to stay alive and making LIFE the thing that makes you happy. Work your passion project on the side, do not volunteer a single one if your PTO days to your company, take as many vacation and mental health days as you need. When you’re not at work that’s when you can find fulfillment and pursue your passions.

Up until recently, I was very idealistic. I would venture to say many 20-somethings are. We want to feel like we do more than work for a check, counting the hours until we get off. But honestly, out of all my friends who now have ‘real jobs,’ I can’t think of anyone off the top of my head who would say work fulfills them. Much of our conversation is about how much work sucks to be honest. But what doesn’t suck is knowing that I can pay my rent, knowing that I’m investing into my retirement fund, and knowing that if I need any type of medical attention it’s covered. I know we all want that job where we realize childhood dreams of helping people, doing good work, and working alongside amazing co-workers and bosses who challenge us and make us better.  But if work doesn’t live up to all that — if it’s just a means to an end — that’s cool too!